Cold Emails Are Not About You (Sorry)
Let’s say it clearly, just once, so we’re all on the same page:
Cold emails should be about them, not you.
But somehow, a lot of cold emails still read like a company brochure that wandered into someone’s inbox by mistake. You open one and it kicks off with “We’re a global leader in digital transformation…” and you're thinking, cool story? Then you hit archive.
So let’s break this down.
Why do people still write emails like this? Why do they fail? And what’s a better way to approach cold outreach?
The 80/20 Rule of Cold Emails
You’ve probably heard of the 80/20 rule, also called the Pareto Principle. Basically, 80 percent of results come from 20 percent of the effort.
When it comes to cold emails, here's the twist:
80 percent of your email should be about the recipient — their role, their pain points, their world.
Only 20 percent should be about you — and even then, only the part that's actually helpful to them.
Most cold emails flip this. They spend all the space talking about the sender's company, product, awards, team, and tech stack. The reader? Gets a token {FirstName} at best.
Why This Works: Psychology 101
There are two psychological concepts that explain why the 80/20 approach works better.
1. The Spotlight Effect
People walk around feeling like everyone is watching them. This means they’re naturally more tuned into anything that relates to their world. So when they see a cold email, the first thing they look for is whether it’s actually relevant to them.
2. The Self-Reference Effect
We tend to remember information better when it’s connected to us. That’s why personal stories stick. That’s also why cold emails that reflect the recipient's world — their industry, their problems, their goals — are more likely to get a response.
A Bad Cold Email Example (Don’t Write This)
Let’s look at a classic "it's-all-about-us" cold email:
What’s wrong with this email? A lot.
- It starts with “I’m reaching out from…” — making it all about the sender.
- There’s no mention of the recipient’s company, challenges, or even their industry.
- It assumes the recipient wants to hear about certifications, support plans, and “tailored solutions” before they even know what the sender wants.
- It could be sent to anyone. A fintech startup or a local coffee shop running a website on Wix.
This email doesn’t spark curiosity. It doesn’t invite conversation. It just pushes a pitch.
A Better Version of That Email
Let’s rewrite that with the 80/20 rule in mind:
What’s different here?
- It starts with their world, not yours.
- It shows you’ve done at least a bit of research.
- It doesn’t push a pitch or ask for time upfront.
- It invites a conversation, not a transaction.
Things to watch out for
Whether you're onboarding a new SDR or testing out an AI SDR tool, this is the first thing they need to learn.
Cold outreach is not about broadcasting your features or credentials. It’s about entering the recipient’s world with relevance.
Here’s what to watch for:
- Do they talk like they’ve done research?
- Are they speaking the recipient’s language?
- Are they making it about the buyer, or just rattling off what your company does?
Most AI SDR tools can technically send messages. But only a few are actually trained to write in a way that respects the 80/20 rule.
If you're evaluating one, ask for sample messages. If they start with "We’re a leader in..." or "Our product helps companies..." — you're in for low reply rates.
Same goes for human SDRs. Before you coach them on product knowledge or rebuttals, coach them to listen better and write with empathy.
Final Thought
Cold emails work when you stop making them about yourself.
Lead with curiosity. Speak in their language. Make them feel seen.
Whether you're scaling a team or plugging in an AI SDR to handle outreach, make sure they follow this principle.
Because the best cold email isn’t a pitch. It’s a moment of relevance.
.svg)